我找不到靳騏。                                                                                                             這么多天下來，我打了很多次電話給靳騏，聽到的聲音都是同一個“您所撥打的電話已停機”，那么冷漠的聲音在電話那頭重復了一遍又一遍。                                                                                                             一開始的時候，我甚至還覺得，有可能一不小心手機掉了或是被人偷了的緣故，但是直到開學三天，我已經沒有瞧見靳騏的時候，所有的不安，在一瞬間全部都擴大化了。                                                                                                             學校的宿舍，原本應該是他的床位空無一物，床板上甚至已經蒙上了一層灰塵。                                                                                                             如果到現在我都還沒有一個覺悟的話，那我真的成了2b還坐實了“x無大腦”這句話了。                                                                                                             他不會再出現了……                                                                                                             我有這個覺悟，卻不敢去相信，總覺得也許下一秒下一分鐘或者是明天能夠接到的他的電話，聽著他那帶著笑意的聲音對我說“啊，忘記給手機沖費了，你是不是很擔心”，然后我會狠狠地罵他一頓，用吼的聲音告訴他，難道都不知道我會擔心的么。                                                                                                             我總以為，我不至于淪落到如此悲催地步的。                                                                                                             但是所有的一切都告訴我一個答案，我錯了，而且還錯的離譜。                                                                                                             “學姐，靳騏上學期末的時候辦理了休學，你不知道么？”靳騏一個室友有些不可思議地反問著我。                                                                                                             “噓！”                                                                                                             那人的腦袋被另外一個男生狠狠地拍了一掌，他賠著笑。                                                                                                             “學姐，其實我們也不是很清楚?！彼χ?，尷尬無b。                                                                                                             我沒應話，就算是開了口，也不清楚自己到底應該說什么，其實，不清楚的人一直只有我而已。                                                                                                             或者已經是清楚了，卻總不愿意去相信。                                                                                                             nv人就是這樣，擅長自欺欺人，用情感來麻痹自己所有的感覺。                                                                                                             我不知道為什么會來到這個地方，看著自己面前的住宅樓，不知不覺之中，我居然到了這個地方。                                                                                                             小雨淅瀝瀝地下著，來的時候忘記帶傘，淺藍se的羽絨服表面已經沾sh了，順手一抹，沾染了一手的水，g燥的衣服sh答答的，雨滴順著頭發往著脖子里面一個勁地流淌著，就連脖子上的圍巾也擋不住那勢頭，明明應該冰涼無b，但是我卻一點感覺都沒有。                                                                                                             所有的感覺，早就已經被麻痹掉了。                                                                                                             我抬頭看著那一幢高高的公寓樓，看著靳騏住的那一層樓，在夜se下那里亮著燈。                                                                                                             亮著燈……                                                                                                             我看著那燈光，心理面莫名地有著一種感覺，他在的……他是在的……                                                                                                             “靳騏，開門！”                                                                                                             我用力地按了兩下門鈴，用力地敲著門。他在的，他應該是在的，不然的話，房子里面不可能亮著燈的，他在的，真的在的。                                                                                                             我不知道有沒有人看到此時此刻的我，或許我現在的樣子像是一個瘋子一樣，也合該是瘋子的一樣的……                                                                                                             “喀”的一聲，房間的門打開了，一張俊秀的臉出現在門口，但是卻不是我等的那個人。李澈站在門口看著我，像是早就知道我回來一樣，從他的眼眸之中我能夠見到自己現在真的很掉臉，頭發被吹的凌亂不堪，雨水順著發梢不斷地往下滴著，狼狽無b。                                                                                                             “你來了？”李澈看著我，像是早已預料到我回來一樣，他的臉se平靜無b。                                                                                                             “靳騏呢？”我問。                                                                                                             “你不是知道的么?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            李澈的聲音很平靜，我很少在李澈的臉上瞧見其他的表情，他像是面部神經失調一樣，表情匱乏的可以，經常冷冰冰的，拒人于千里之外的樣子，經常會出現的表情都帶著一種譏屑的味道，說出來的話也總帶著刺。                                                                                                             我是知道，只是我不甘心，為什么所有的人都清楚，只有我一個人在狀況外什么都不知道。                                                                                                             “靳騏呢？”                                                                                                             我抓著李澈的衣襟，咆哮馬化身一樣用力搖著他，如果現在的我是瓊瑤nv主的話，我一定會用夸張的表情，然后聲嘶力竭地吼著——“我覺得我快要窒息了”。                                                                                                             可是，心里面頓頓地疼著，空洞的可怕，就連呼x1都是疼的。                                                                                                             李澈掰下我攥著他衣襟不放的手。                                                                                                             “夠了，凌墨，”李澈的聲音冷得一如外頭的雨一樣，冰涼冰涼的，“他去英國了，大概不會再回來了?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            “這個早在半年前就已經決定好了的，他注定會離開的?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            那么我呢，我算是什么？                                                                                                             我很想這么問，但是卻怎么也出不了聲來問，就算問了，又有什么意思呢。                                                                                                             他又不是靳騏，就算是給了我答案，也不是我想要的那個。                                                                                                             “李澈，從某個角度上來說，你也算是一個溫柔的人?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            我扯開笑容，伸手拍了拍李澈的肩膀，因為衣服上全部都沾染上了雨水，拍上的他的肩膀上的時候，也在他的肩膀上留下了印記。                                                                                                             原以為他從一開始就不喜歡我，他說我和靳騏之間不會有好結果，現在果然是應驗了這一句話，不是什么一語成讖也不是未卜先知，而是他早就已經知道這一天早晚就會到來，一如他所說的那樣是注定的。                                                                                                             他早早地提醒了我，只是我一直不愿意相信。                                                                                                             如果他那個時候能夠溫柔地對我說這些話，我想會更有信服力一點，為毛要繃著一張臉十足十的詛咒樣呢，當時我沒有ch0u他我也算是客氣了。                                                                                                             “我回去了?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            其實現在回答對我來說已經不重要了，人們不是常說么，過程不重要，重要的是結果，而現在就是我的結果。                                                                                                             出了公寓樓，外頭的雨已經下的很大了，b來的時候還要來的大。                                                                                                             我慢慢悠悠地走向離公寓有幾分鐘路程遠的公交車站，以前總覺得電視里面失戀的人在雨中一邊行走一邊哭泣的樣子還是有點裝13的。                                                                                                             我哭不出來，只覺得被雨水淋到的時候真的很冷，冷的渾身都在發抖，甚至我都能聽到自己牙齒碰撞的“嘚嘚嘚”聲，早知道出來的時候就應該隨身帶上一把雨傘才對。                                                                                                             我從口袋里面掏出了手機，慢慢地按下了那早已爛熟于心的號碼，冷漠的聲音再度傳來，話筒里面傳來的聲音依舊是那冷漠至極的聲音。                                                                                                             其實，整個故事不管是從聽起來還是看起來都像是一個笑話，就連這場ai情也是。                                                                                                             還好還好，我安慰自己，其實我也不是特別喜歡靳騏，只是我覺得寂寞了，有點空虛了，就像那個時候和江尚遠交往的時候那樣，一點也不會傷心的，我可以吃好睡好，和以前沒有什么不同。                                                                                                             我相信，真的一點也不會覺得難受的。                                                                                                             回到寢室的時候，文雅和依依都在，一個一個手上拿了暖手寶在玩電腦，聽那聲音就知道一定有是聯合一氣玩□□連連看，組合一隊有分一起賺了。                                                                                                             她們兩個也就只能玩玩□□看和人bb速度了，真沒出息！                                                                                                             “我回來了?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            我朝著她們打了聲招呼，然后開始脫自己身上的衣服，因為沒帶傘的緣故，淋的還真的是有點凄涼。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你還好吧？”                                                                                                             文雅和依依難得給力地丟下手上鼠標，連游戲也顧不上，從座位上站了起來。                                                                                                             “出門的時候忘記帶傘了，不小心淋了點雨?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            我迅速地把衣服脫了下來，丟在一邊，然后換上g凈的內衣k攥了一條毛巾爬上了床，胡亂地抹了幾下頭發之后窩進了被窩。                                                                                                             真冷啊，渾身冷冰冰的，就算窩在被窩里面也感覺不到一丁點的熱氣。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你沒事吧？”                                                                                                             文雅和依依拍了一下床沿問著。                                                                                                             “唔，淋了點雨而已，大問題沒有，就是現在有點冷?！蔽叶叨哙锣碌赝桓C里面鉆，企圖把自己彎成蝦米一樣，蜷縮著取暖。                                                                                                             “阿墨，你要不哭一場？哭出來會舒服的多?！蔽难排牧艘幌挛业谋蛔?，她的聲音悶悶的。                                                                                                             “說什么傻話，無緣無故哭什么?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            我用手頂了一下文雅壓在我被窩上的手，被她這么壓著，感覺特別的悶的慌。                                                                                                             “又不是什么大不了的事情，文雅jiejie請把你的暖手寶借我暖一下……”                                                                                                             我從被窩里面伸出手，渾身發冷的我要依靠自己取暖那真的是一件很難的事情，果然還是要借助外在的力量。                                                                                                             “靠，你肯定要用來暖腳的！”                                                                                                             文雅隔著被子用力地拍了一下我的pgu，但是還是把手上的暖手寶遞了進來，而且塞的不止一個，順帶連依依的也塞了進來。                                                                                                             我抱著兩個暖手寶，感覺懷里面暖暖的，舒服多了，只是總覺得那么一角空著，空的讓人心慌。                                                                                                             “阿墨，別去想了他了?！蔽难藕鸵酪赖穆曇粼谕忸^響起。                                                                                                             “恩，”我應了一聲，重重地點了點頭，“我沒想，又不是第一次談戀ai，要是這一次t重再增加的話，我也會覺得很苦惱啊?！?nbsp;                                                                                                            我真的沒想，真的。                                                                                                             “那想吃點什么？我給你食堂打包回來?！币酪纑0u了r0u我的腦袋，問著。                                                                                                             “……小籠包子吧……”                                                                                                             上一次靳騏還說等我寒假回來想要吃小籠包子的，還說想要看看小籠包子到底是怎么做的，原本還想要做他嘗嘗的，但是現在看來，已經沒這個機會了吧。                                                                                                             我想。